When did dating get so hard? There are now multiple mediums to contact someone, so how do we know anymore what is the appropriate amount of contact? What does a text mean, is it ok to text often? Does it mean something that all conversations and plans are made by text? I can't remember the last time I just had a genuine conversation on the phone with a friend. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and we talked on the phone, but also on Skype and through email. Now I am single in this new digital world. I've been single before, but I was still in school so finding a relationship wasn't hard. All of my real boyfriends have been through some connection while I was at school. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, but my first "real" boyfriend Erick was in one of my classes, as well as my second ever high school boyfriend Doug. My college boyfriend I met through my sorority, my law school boyfriend I met through my landlord and my most recent ex was my friend in law school. Now, something like 50% of relationships are made through the internet. Match.com, plentyoffish, eharmony, ok cupid etc. What happened to meeting someone organically anymore?
I don't know when is the right time to date again, I have had mixed feelings about all relationships one I get out of them. My high school boyfriends I wouldn't call exactly real relationships. We weren't making plans around each other about going to college, although I know a lot of people have. My mother forbade any such talk like that, and now I understand why. Boys are distracting. The hurricane Katrina of my relationship was Aaron, the man I loved more than anything my sophomore year and part of my junior year of college. When he broke up with me I thought my world was going to end. I looked at my life and didn't know where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. Finally my mom snapped some sense into me and gave me a purpose, stick with the law school plan. After Aaron I planned to take some time off, find a job, but that would have been the end of any further education for me so I'm glad I had my forward-thinking mother around. I cried all day and felt like life would never go on. It was dumb, I was young, I thought I would get married right out of college and life would be great. I think there should be a ban on anyone getting married younger than 25, and even that's pretty young in my opinion. Eventually life did go on, I was able to breathe a little bit easier as the days went by, and even found myself having a chuckle every once in awhile, I had forgotten what the sound of my laughter sounded like, and I liked it, I began to see that I had a purpose, to go to law school, and this dulled the pain.
My next boyfriend, Adam, was a funny guy but we were all wrong for each other. Once again my mother worried, she heard me talking nonsense about maybe staying in Upstate New York (have you ever spent a winter in Upstate, if you have, you would know I was CRAZY to think such things). I was going to live the small town life. The problem was, Adam and I fought like cats and dogs, I never really understood why, I'm not a confrontational person but everything I did seemed to be wrong, no I couldn't go out drinking with my friends, or talk to boys in my classes. Everything just seemed wrong. I was glad that relationship ended, but still a little sad, he always made me laugh and his friends were a lot of fun, it helped ease the loneliness I felt at law school, a place where most of the people were unbearable.
My most recent relationship was with Don, a sweet caring boy who I cared about very much. Our relationship went in fast forward though. He confessed he had feelings for me since the first day of law school and I was flattered. We stayed together through one of the hardest times in our life, the dreaded bar. The fundamental problem with our relationship was that he was taking the bar in California and I was taking the Texas bar. He was wonderful, attentive, nice, but something just didn't feel right about it. We dated a month, then endured a long hard summer, he visited for a week and then a few weeks, but we were talking about moving in together and he would have to be away from his whole family, and he was really close to his parents. Everything just got so real. I had to take a good hard look at my life and think, much too early, is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? I knew that if I let him take the bar here and move here, I would never get out, even if it felt wrong, because I would feel too guilty. I had to end the relationship, as hard as it was. I honestly feel a little relieved to be out of the relationship. I knew it wasn't right but I thought what's wrong with me that I don't want to be with a perfectly nice and caring guy? I knew though that my heart of hearts wasn't in it and I couldn't do that to him, he deserves so much better. I had to let him go and I knew how much it would hurt him. That's what I feel the worst about, I feel relieved because a lot of pressure is taken off me by making this decision. I knew I made the right decision, but I also know he is hurting like I was hurting with Aaron. In this situation I am Aaron and he is me. I wonder if Aaron felt the relief I did when he broke up with me. It's the relief of knowing that you are no longer with the wrong person. As much as I cared about Don and no matter how wonderful he was, he just wasn't my Mr. wonderful. He will most certainly be someone else's Mr. Wonderful, and I hope that day is close for him.
I am now single, in supposedly the best place to be single. I wonder where they get that notion, the best place to be single. I work, I know people, but I don't know enough people I guess, don't have quite enough friends. I guess that's something I'll have to figure out now, since being in a relationship is so safe. You make plans because you can, and you have someone to make them with. Now I am planless and relatively alone.
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